These past few weeks seem as though they have been a quintessential roller coaster of ups and downs. Much of these up and downs have come in the form of emotional mountains and valleys. It’s amazing when one considers the full gamut of emotions that we can go through in a short space of time. This weekend particularly was very hard. I saw in myself things so disgusting and despicable that it made me want to run and hide from myself.
W.D. Frazee says that offenses come to reveal what is on the inside. The circumstances did not cause it but simply revealed what was already in the heart. I must say that of a truth the flesh wants to run and hide from such a notion. It’s much easier to blame others for driving us to the point where we think the thoughts we think or entertain the feelings we do. But the truth is though the devil can compel, he cannot cause us to sin; the Bible records that the prince of this world (Satan) came and found nothing in Christ (John 14:30). Offenses came to Christ but there was nothing in Him that responded to them.
This weekend murder was in my heart, and it was coupled with jealousy, evil surmising, and all manner of darkness. Feelings so strong seemed to overwhelm me and hold me in a vice like grip. It almost seemed as though I was possessed and were it not for the grace of God, the enemy would have swept me away. From whence came such thoughts, and why were such feelings able to hold sway? This is what I must seek the Lord to understand. It is only He that can show me the origin and then show me the way to gain deliverance.
I remember once listening to Pastor Lewis who remarked that sometimes the enemy introduces thoughts into our minds and he does it so subtlety that he will try to convince us that his thoughts are really ours. The reality is that his thoughts found an answering cord in me. The nefarious enemy of my soul attacked me with his thoughts and I dwelt on them overly much until it arose to consume my very mind. I am praying that whatever seeds of darkness that are in me, albeit hidden under the cloak of righteous fervor, the Lord will uproot and remove it.
When John the Baptist preached, he said that the ax must be laid to the root. It’s not enough to prune the branches or the limbs, the very root must be taken care of. It is the root that causes the problems and so the solution must be applied there. The root of all my problems is an unconverted heart. My heart must be changed, I’m claiming the promise in Ezekiel 36, “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.” The Bible tells me that the weapons of our faith is strong enough to cast down every imagination and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).
I long in my heart to be as my Savior. I want to be pure and holy deep in the inner most recesses of my heart, where no man can enter in save Christ. I’m not content for others to think I’m alright. I want to be alright in the eyes of God. I want Him to conquer my heart. I have committed myself to Him, and though all the demons in hell assail me, though I fall over and over, I will not give up or give in until that day when I perfectly reflect the character of God.
Tags: converted, emotions, heart, thoughts
June 29th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Rochelle, this was for me. there was something i experienced and i pray that i use that to help me stay the course.
God’s blessings.